T H O N H I O

People always say that life will never be the same after having a child. How, exactly, does becoming a father change a man?

There’s an old saying in the Talmud that a man has three names: the one his parents gave him at birth, the one that others call him, and the one he calls himself. A person’s identity, according to the rabbis, is a rather amorphous thing. What the rabbis don’t talk about is that all three of those names are subject to change over time-especially the one you give yourself. So who are you these days? The same person you were a few years ago? Probably not. And one of the biggest reasons you’re not is that being a father has changed you.

Having a close relationship with your child helps build his confidence and self-esteem. It also helps build yours. Being able to stop your child’s tears, making him laugh, or knowing how much he idolizes you can make you feel incredibly competent, and the pride you feel when you see all the great things he can do becomes confirmation that you’re doing pretty well at this whole fathering thing. For a while, at least, your child is going to share all your tastes-in music, literature, movies, art, career, politics, and food (as long is it’s not too spicy). A lot of these things will change as your child grows up. But I can hardly describe the feeling of pride I get when my kids start discussing Hitchcock movies with my adult friends, belt out a few Janis Joplin lyrics, or pop in a CD of Elgar’s cello concerto while they’re doing their homework. But beware. Confidence and pride are often made of pretty thin veneer: any misbehavior-especially public-can suddenly make you feel you feel as though you’ve failed as a father.

Things are going to go wrong, whether you like it or not, and you have two choices: take everything seriously and try to change the world, or roll with it and laugh. Learning to laugh at yourself can rub off in other areas and might make you more understanding of the mistakes other people make.

At this point it’s almost impossible to tell the difference between your child’s needs, your needs, and your partner’s needs. In a perfect world they’d mutually reinforce one another. But on this planet, these needs “are to varying degrees in opposition, imposing frustrations and sorrows and forcing mutual adaptation,” says the Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry (GAP). As you get more experienced as a parent, your ability to prepare for the future and come up with contingency plans will grow. You’ll also learn the incredibly valuable skill of being able to see a variety of different points of view at the same time. For example, most new couples say that having children brought them closer together. At the same time, though, they say that labor around the house has been divided along traditional lines.

Having kids gives you a great opportunity to reread all those great books from when you were a kid and disappear back into the world of King Arthur and the Hobbit. It also gives you a rare chance to say words like “poop” and “pee” in public again.

A lot of parents suddenly get inspired to create. A. A. Milne (who wrote the Winnie the Pooh books) and J. K. Rowling (of Harry Potter fame) are just two who wrote for their kids. If you’re giving your kids music or art lessons, you might develop a talent you never thought you had or rediscover the urge to perform at school talent shows.

Having kids contributes to a heightened awareness of other’s perspectives, says researcher Rob Palkovitz. A lot of guys admit that they were somewhat selfish and self-centered before having kids. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing; it’s simply an acknowledgment that having people depend on you and putting their needs before your own isn’t something that comes naturally to most people before they become parents. What’s especially interesting is that, according to Palkovitz, getting married didn’t trigger this same realization.

Becoming a father will make you take a long, hard look at your fundamental beliefs and values. Things you may have thought were harmless when you were younger, such as not caring about money or material possessions, promiscuous sex, and even smoking a little dope, look completely different now that you’ve got a family to support. You’ll start seeing the world in different terms. You may have thought about issues like pollution, terrorism, energy policy, Latin American debt, homelessness, AIDS, poverty, and even cloth vs. disposable diapers before, but now, instead of being abstract things that happen to other people, they’re possible threats to your child and your family.

Having children will also help you clarify a lot of your beliefs. Teaching your child to say that the guy you didn’t vote for in the last election is a jerk is one thing. But try explaining to your child-in terms he can understand-what war is, what the death penalty is, why some people are rich while others live on the street. You might find yourself changing your mind about a few things now that they might affect your family.  Interestingly, older fathers report doing less soul-searching than younger fathers. The older guys come into fatherhood feeling more mature and having had more of a chance to hone their philosophy of life.

Time and time again, we come to a point in our romantic life that we would encounter a situation which would lead us to decide to let go of the person you love and have loved. People who go through this would ask themselves “Do I have to let go? How do I let go of him or her?”. When you get yourself into such a conundrum, your objectivity gets clouded by your emotions and sometimes hatred. Hatred is protracted result of misgivings, dishonesty, impertinence among others.

Of all the things that you may think of as a way to induce yourself to letting go and getting over that emotional hump, maybe loving again would suffice…………..

Surround yourself with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages following a separation, it is to become your course of action when you realize that love is the key to your control of self and to the door that is opening toward your new reality. Love is what brought you into your relationship and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.

This decision to love must first take effect with reference to yourself and to the person from whom you are separating. You must love yourself for those qualities which brought you into the realm of that other person: your willingness to give of yourself and to take the risk of being hurt. And to love the other person in spite of the pain you are feeling is to allow that person the same freedom you will both need in order to move on. Love is a force that renews us and prepares us for tomorrow. Hatred is a shackle that keeps us tied to the past.

So drop the damn thing!!!

The one from whom you have separated will not soon be forgotten, though great distances may separate the two of you. Give the memory of that person the chance to help you by insisting on remembering the beautiful experiences that united you. The painful ones which separated you will need no coaxing from the memory. Turn your anger into love. Take the qualities you found in the other person and develop them in yourself, use them as a way of better experiencing your love for all the others who are important in your

Everything in this world is full with challenges in life. The first step u take when you reach your 1st year you fall and rise up again without feeling the pain in your knees as long as you tried the first word you utter…the first smile with a winks of an eye.Time flies so fast not knowing you’re grown up and took challenges in life. Now hardest part is when you fall in love for the first time and this isn’t that easy to say first time tears fell in your cheeks…first hardest pain you have felt. And you scream suffocating almost out of this world.but all are challenges in life it will all pass and there you are rising to a new you again more stronger than before and Now you have learned a lot that life is mysterious in many ways you have to be strong face it no matter what. No matter how painful the worst comes worst but at least you have proven your worth. Because it’s you and no one can change you. Forever

Very cliche, I know, but most of us will have had this big question in our heads at a certain time in our lives. (or maybe the same question comes in different forms in different phases of life? ) Whatever it is, you think you know what you want from life, and you are ‘in control’ and along comes this question in an orkut community.. “define love”..and you say oh yes…i know what love is…”true love” as they show in the films…”real love” as you thought you had felt…and you start typing..and you suddenly feel at a loss to explain what you feel about love.

Sometimes you just go …bah!…it’s all crap…just a concept that doesn’t really take form…but then we do need someone in our lives don’t we? Someone to share everything with? Is it not love that bonds us then? Or is it the compelling necessity of companionship that brings us together. Being in love makes you dependent, it makes you vulnerable…is that true??

Of all the answers that were given to that question..one stood out, and was appreciated and applauded by many members of that community. In fact I made friends with that person just because I liked the answer so much. Not that it was a perfect answer..It is very hard to find the kind of love that she has described..and harder to make it work..but if you want an almost complete definition of love, here’s what Anindita Bhattacharya had to say:

To me love is:

You think about yourself, get to know yourself, build yourself up to be so strong that u are confident that u can handle your own life, that u don’t need anyone, that no one can hurt u without ur permission, that you are the master of your own life, and then, u meet someone… who makes u want to surrender all of yourself, without hesitation, when you become ready to lay yourself totally open in front of him/her, all your vulnerabilities, your fears, your dreams, your weaknesses, your wishes and ambitions and principles, things that make you think and feel and wonder and laugh and cry, when the tiniest of his/her unhappiness zoom straight inside your heart, when you feel like bringing the whole world at his/her feet, just to make him/her happy, when you are ready to give him/her all the freedom and right over your life, comfortable in the knowing that the other person is so strong that he/she will honour you, the you that you’ve opened up, & will never take advantage of your openness… will care for you because he/she wants to, not because it’s supposed to be that way, when adjustment doesn’t feel like adjustment, when u willingly make yourself flexible for his/her sake, when the freedom between you makes your relationship stronger, when u both start feeling that u need each other, not because u lack something, but because of how much both of you enjoy being part of one another’s lives, & both of you want to practically take it forward,

That’s love for real.

And I agree with her to quite an extent. I’m not quite “learned” enough to “profess” anything, but yes, i feel love is learning to love yourself, knowing that you are strong enough to survive anything life throws at you, and then finding someone who you don’t mind being vulnerable with, because you trust him/her enough, and you are comfortable enough to shed all ego barriers.

What is Emo love? Emo love is different from the normal dating scene mostly because of the emotional quality of the relationship and the characteristics of the emo personality. Emos are, of course, thought to be very emotional and wear their emotions close to the surface. You need to be careful with emo love because it’s easy to hurt an emos’ feelings. Emo personalities have a reputation for being shy, sensitive, introverted and quiet. None of that is a bad thing, it’s just good to know what you’re getting into if you’re not an emo and find yourself in the midst of emo love. A controversial aspect of the stereotypical emo personality profile is a propensity for cutting, burning, or self-mutilation. While obviously this is not true for all individuals, it is something to be aware of.

For the romantic person, finding true love is the ultimate dream and a goal that they may spend their entire life trying to reach.  Much like the topic of pure romance, there are plenty of romantic skeptics out there who just don’t believe that true love exists.  Sure, for those of us who have already found true love, the evidence seems undeniable.  But if you haven’t yet found your perfect someone, true love may seem like an unreachable romantic dream.

Well cheer up, because true love really does exist . . . and with patience and persistence, you can find it! we’ve talked before about how real romance is subtle, not flashy or flamboyant . . . and the same goes for true love. If you’re not in a loving relationship, it may be difficult to recognize the influence of true love all around you.  But once you find true love, a whole new world of romance and excitement will be revealed.  In fact, once you’ve found it, you’ll wonder why you hadn’t noticed how prevalent and powerful true love really is!   

True love is not something that you can cause to happen, and sometimes it takes many years before you find that perfect sweetheart to share your hopes, dreams and life with.  Love at first sight is real and can happen to you, but make sure you take the time to ensure that what you feel really is love and not just infatuation.  You see, true love may be out there, but people who are new to romance may mistake other feelings for true love.  The best advice is to take your time and be wary of rushing into anything.

If you’ve found someone who you think might be that perfect person and you’re wondering if you’ve finally discovered true love, you owe it to yourself and your new lover to practice patience in allowing your relationship to grow.  After all, if it really is true love, then waiting a little while to let it develop won’t doom your romance to failure.  True love is nothing if not resilient, and you’ll be glad that you took the time to let your romance blossom slowly rather than rushing things.

So, is true love real?  Of course it is!  And true love is something you can find, regardless of who you are, where you find yourself, or what you’ve experienced.  Far too often, people allow themselves to become skeptical of romance just because they don’t find true love fast enough.  Believe me: true love is worth the wait!  Keep practicing patience, keep surrounding yourself with a romantic environment, and remain optimistic . . . and true love will find you!

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.

I am the one sitting alone in the dark with a broken smile..
Maybe because I don’t want to be seen by the world..
Or maybe because I am fed up with the eyes of the people..
Yet, I am still searching for the fallen angel where I could feel belong..
Alone I sat there..
Voices of my struggle not being heard..
Thoughts of my mind not being shared..
That is the inner scene of my soul..
Simple yet complicated..
Everyone is a loner in this society..
Just like everyone has the evil in their innocence..
What else can I say?
I am stupid in a clever way..
Loud in a quiet sense..
I’m an optimist by being a pessimist..
Everyone is unique and beautiful..
Sadly, everyone has a different definition..
We all live under the same shallow society..
Yet we are living at a different level of mind and will..
But we all have to face the same process of pain and emotion throughout our life..
So is life unfair?
Or unexpected?
Everyone has their own answer to every question in life..
That is the power of mind..
Everyone has their own question on every answer about life..
That is the mystery of life..
There are levels that we are not meant to be reached..
There are questions and answers that we are not meant to be asked and given..

In the end,
We are all searching out for a different reason in life..

Most of us associate romance, attraction, excitement, with being in love – the heart palpitations, butterflies in the tummy, can’t wait to see them next feelings. What turns us on in relationship is about sexual energy, romantic imagery, passion, hope, exhilaration… but while true love has some of this fire in it, true love is much softer, calmer, quieter… It doesn’t trigger our fears. When passion is expressed in love it leads to a sense of real contentment as well as satisfaction, a feeling of all being right with the world… and this feeling lasts no matter what else is going down… I don’t know if many of us really know the energy of love in this way… the kind of love that has a constancy and consistency to it, is trusting, sure, quiet, peaceful, nurturing, listening…  I often say that love is actually pretty ugly… Love is what brings us out of our deep sleeps to the aid of a sick child, or a frightened neighbour, or to a grandparent’s deathbed. Love shows up, no matter what. Love carries us through the bad times… it has substance and strength to it. While it may waiver from time to time, and must be nourished to stay alive, when love is true, pure, unconditional, all it really takes is a small spark to create a roaring fire.

I’ve been feeling empty again, like some piece of my heart is missing and there is nothing I can do to fill it in. I want so much to feel like a complete person, but often my striving is in vain. The harder I try to fill it up, the more empty I feel. Part of that, I’ve realized, comes from closing myself off to love. It hurt so much when this stupid love shattered my heart that I started building up a wall around my heart as a protection. But when you build a wall, you keep everyone out, not just the one you intended. I didn’t want to hurt, so I shut off my emotions so I wouldn’t have to feel. But it didn’t work, not really. I’m worse off than I was before. I realize now that I need to tear down the wall I’ve built up around my heart. I’ll be more vulnerable, yes, but there is no other way for me to feel complete. Without pain however am I supposed to understand love?