My heart is the worst kind of weapon???
Sometimes I would like to believe that my reluctance to change is a good thing. But recently instead of the romantic vision of me being a steady pillar of strength and dependability I rather feel like a really insensitive… I think as humans we really tend to cling to what we have, or in some unlucky cases, what we think we still have. So rather similar to beating a dead, sometimes we find that we often fight for lost causes. Whether it be possessions, jobs, fame, respect or relationship…we all crave a sense of security. Heck, I would like to believe even those who believe Human Nature = Brownian Motion would still like to have some sense of security in their fellow human being… So what am I trying to say? Sometimes, no matter how well-intended and innnocent your cause is…there will sometimes be a point where you will just have to move on. Haha, sometimes “No means no you bastard” seems so hard to comprehend . Also, never crave for a status quo, because status quo is a fairy tale. Sometimes you’ll wish for things to be “normal” again - only to realize that this IS normal. This is the status quo. To look back on past events as a benchmark of happiness is a sad exercise which is definitely unfair for everyone involved. If anything though, it makes you helluva lot tougher as a person. Or at least you think you are, because you feel that your fighting for something really profound. But anyway, even if you do find out that your giants really are just windmills…the exercise will do you good and will set you free from your current folly. You can now smile, tilt your head back and look back at it as a learning experience. If youre wondering though; am I angry? No, I don’t think so. Sad? Only a bit. Do I feel like I’m a better, happier person now that I’ve written all of this? Hindi rin eh…I just feel like I have to blow off some steam. Haha, I’m not asking for pity, weirdness or what not…just a bit o understanding, and an open mind. If there’s anything I’ve done right about writing this 1.) I’ve exposed my flaws to plain view and 2.) I’m hoping the value of this entry as and open advice is pretty ok. hahaha, til next time I guess…
