T H O N H I O

Most of us associate romance, attraction, excitement, with being in love – the heart palpitations, butterflies in the tummy, can’t wait to see them next feelings. What turns us on in relationship is about sexual energy, romantic imagery, passion, hope, exhilaration… but while true love has some of this fire in it, true love is much softer, calmer, quieter… It doesn’t trigger our fears. When passion is expressed in love it leads to a sense of real contentment as well as satisfaction, a feeling of all being right with the world… and this feeling lasts no matter what else is going down… I don’t know if many of us really know the energy of love in this way… the kind of love that has a constancy and consistency to it, is trusting, sure, quiet, peaceful, nurturing, listening…  I often say that love is actually pretty ugly… Love is what brings us out of our deep sleeps to the aid of a sick child, or a frightened neighbour, or to a grandparent’s deathbed. Love shows up, no matter what. Love carries us through the bad times… it has substance and strength to it. While it may waiver from time to time, and must be nourished to stay alive, when love is true, pure, unconditional, all it really takes is a small spark to create a roaring fire.

I’ve been feeling empty again, like some piece of my heart is missing and there is nothing I can do to fill it in. I want so much to feel like a complete person, but often my striving is in vain. The harder I try to fill it up, the more empty I feel. Part of that, I’ve realized, comes from closing myself off to love. It hurt so much when this stupid love shattered my heart that I started building up a wall around my heart as a protection. But when you build a wall, you keep everyone out, not just the one you intended. I didn’t want to hurt, so I shut off my emotions so I wouldn’t have to feel. But it didn’t work, not really. I’m worse off than I was before. I realize now that I need to tear down the wall I’ve built up around my heart. I’ll be more vulnerable, yes, but there is no other way for me to feel complete. Without pain however am I supposed to understand love?

‘a good relationship’ may just mean ‘a long one’.  We tend to measure the
quality of our relationships by how long they last.  Yet, look back at some of
your relationships, the significant encounters that have affected you, and
notice the length…  One of my most significant relationships, that taught me
so much, only lasted a month!  We think of relationships as ‘a failure’ when
they end, but I think it would be better to think of them as ‘a journey’.  ‘Oh,
this person travelled with me.. to…here, and on the way we… ‘

Perhaps the
wisest journey, too, is one where you look at your feet and make a fresh
decision on direction with every step!  Surely this is the way to end up where
you really want to get to?  Rather than setting the destination, blindly
tramping there, then at the peak exclaiming ’shit!  I’m in the wrong place!’  In
a similar vein, I want to re-write the fairy stories, or at least add a bit onto
the usual ending thus: ‘I want to live happily ever after… EVERY DAY!’

Do you believe that your future happiness depends on your finding THE ONE? If you think you MUST find love in the form of a soul mate in order to be truly happy, we hate to disillusion you, but you’ll probably never find THE ONE, nor much happiness…

Why? because you’re looking outside for love, expecting it to come to you…. when the only way to find The One, is to give love, to be loving, to be the source of your own happiness… then love comes, naturally, in its own time… the perfect love for you…

We are impatient in our search for love, we want to overlook the inner work, we think we’ll find the love we need outside ourselves…. in fact, our society has taught us that loving ourselves is probably sinful, narcissistic at the very least… yet the truth is that there is only one place to search for the love - it is within… When we can be happy being One, we attract the partners who will appreciate and bask in our love - and return it, ounce for ounce…